


To spend eternity with you

by jeepsarmitage



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Girlfriends - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-03
Updated: 2014-12-03
Packaged: 2018-02-28 00:29:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2712317
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeepsarmitage/pseuds/jeepsarmitage
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It started with a question</p>
            </blockquote>





	To spend eternity with you

Carmilla found herself watching as the tiny idiot human slept. 

She counted each breath that Laura took, watching as the emotions flickered across her face and listening to the tiny noises that she emitted as she rolled over and wriggled around until she was closer to Carmilla. (Carmilla would then blush before smiling and wrapping her arm around her girlfriend, although she would never in a hundred million years admit that to anyone. She had a reputation. Or whatever.)

It became a game, of sorts, to guess what dreams had caused each one. Imagining that the happy and content expressions were caused by her. She liked the think that she made Laura happy. Happy enough to dream about her. To put that contagious smile on her stupidly beautiful face. She liked the think it, but part of her doubted it, too. The part that told her that whatever this was couldn’t last. That eventually she would have to leave Laura and the semi-functional life behind. But during those nights when she stayed in the room, watching Laura sleep and counting the minutes until the sun rose again, Carmilla was content. 

Laura was cute while she was waking up, Carmilla noted. Laura was cute all the time, but in the few milliseconds after her eyes flickered open and she dreamily licked her lips, regaining her bearings and happily sitting herself up in bed, Carmilla thought she was especially cute. She didn’t fight the smile that graced her lips when Laura would eventually up at her and mumble out a vaguely discernible “good morning” and kiss her softly. Carmilla cherished those moments, before Laura would hurry off to whatever it was that she had her super-brain focused on. She cherished them, and tucked each one into her memory because, despite what Laura would think, Carmilla didn’t ever want to forget those moments. 

So when Laura kissed her softly in the morning, and passionately before she left for class, and needfully when she returned, Carmilla let herself feel. He would kiss back, just as softly or passionately or needfully. Just as hungrily and forcefully and lovingly. Because, at some point, she had fallen hard and fast and there was nothing she would rather do than kiss her stupidly idiotic human girlfriend whenever she wanted. 

Which was always. She always wanted to kiss her stupidly idiotic human girlfriend, because her stupidly idiotic human girlfriend was beautiful and gorgeous and a very good kisser so really, who wouldn’t? 

As idiotic and oblivious as Laura could be, though, the transition from “room mates” and “friends” into “girlfriends” seemed to trigger something that made her especially in-tune with Carmilla’s thoughts and feelings. It should have annoyed her, Carmilla had thought, it should have annoyed her or at least mildly frustrated her. Instead, she found it endearing. Laura cared, and each time the tiny gay would look at her and brush Carmilla’s hair out of her face and ask if she was okay, a ball of guilt and fear grew in her stomach. 

Fear because of what was happening. Guilt because she was lying about it. Well, avoiding the truth. Which was essentially the same thing. She was doing a good job of it too, until it all came crashing down around her in a shit-storm of feelings that reminded Carmilla exactly why she didn’t do relationships. 

Maybe Laura’s investigative skills were better than Carmilla had imagined. Or maybe Carmilla just wasn’t as good at pretending as she thought she was. Either way, Laura had picked up on her girlfriend’s avoidance, and suitable intervened on the matter in what Carmilla had now dubbed “The Great Intervention of 2015” because she didn’t doubt for one minute that Laura wouldn’t pull another one at some point down the track. 

It started with a question.

“What are you hiding?”  
Carmilla didn’t answer. The ball of guilt was growing and the ball of fear was beginning to explode and Carmilla felt sick. So she swallowed, and just looked at Laura, hoping that the beautiful human would just let it go. She should have known better, though, and it was the next question that set the ball in motion.

“Are you killing again?”

“Of course not.”

“So what are you hiding?”

“It doesn’t matter”

That was the wrong thing to say, of course, and Carmilla knew it. If the hurt that flickered across Laura’s face wasn’t enough to trigger a response, then the way Laura pulled away when Carmilla reached out to touch her, was. Carmilla knew she had no right to feel hurt; she way lying to her girlfriend and Laura knew it. 

“It matters because you don’t trust me enough to tell me what’s wrong!”

“I don’t want to hurt you!”

“You already have”

The words pierced Carmilla and if she had the ability to breathe, it would have caught in her throat. Laura was looking at her, with a mixture of hurt and confusion written all over her beautiful, stupid face and Carmilla knew that she needed to fix it before Laura began to cry. If Laura began to cry, it would all be over. She knew that if Laura cried her heart wouldn’t be able to take it. If Laura began to cry…she didn’t know what she would do. 

So she told her. 

She told her about her fears; that Laura would grow old and Carmilla wouldn’t. That Carmilla would have to watch as Laura slowly withered and died. That in a hundred years from now, she would would be sitting at Laura’s tombstone, remembering everything they ever did together with the knowledge that Laura wouldn’t be there to hold her hand. That now that she had opened her heart to Laura, she was setting herself up for the fall and there was nothing she could do to stop it. 

She told Laura she didn’t want to hurt her, ever. That she didn’t want to watch Laura die, but she couldn’t live on knowing that Laura was out there somewhere, living a life without her in it. She told Laura how she didn’t know how Laura could so suddenly and unexpectedly walk into her life and take over her heart so easily, and she told Laura how much power she now had over her. 

She told Laura how much she loved her. With tears in her eyes she told Laura how much she meant to her, how much she wished that she could have Laura forever. She knew how selfish is was, and she knew it wouldn’t happen because Laura didn’t deserve the that life. After everything she had been through, Laura deserved a normal life. 

“You deserve so much, Laura, so much. And part of me wants to keep you to myself, and the other part wants to set you free. To be happy. To have all the things I can’t give to you.”

Laura rolled her eyes, tears slowly trickling down her face and dripping onto the bed covers underneath them. With one hand she held Carmilla’s, the other reached out to cup Carmilla’s face and with the uttermost sincerity she announced.

“You make me happy, Carm. You. And there is nothing I would want more than to spend eternity with you.”


End file.
